The Adventures of Woodruff: Professional Mirror Investigator

by **pimpdave** on Sat May 29, 2010 10:18 am

Unfortunately, THORNHEART'S reality show has been canceled until he completes his sensitivity training seminar.

In the meantime, however, MTV has green lit a new reality show about none other than Woodruff! Let's post episodes of the show here.

by **pimpdave** on Sat May 29, 2010 10:32 am

Woodruff, a mild mannered teacher by day, is relaxing during his free period, calling people "abject morons" on internet forums when suddenly, the Principal bursts in.

"Woodruff," he says, slightly out of breath, "I think one of the kids has been smoking cigarettes in the bathroom, can you go have a smell and tell me what you think?"

"Sure thing boss, let me just finish this jingoistic diatribe here." Woodruff then says out loud what he is writing, "Fuck you! I am not, nor ever shall be, your friend."

"Oh, Jesus Christ, stop it with this Spock fantasy. We all know you're a huge flip case. Now go check out the bathroom with me, would you?"

As soon as they arrive at the boys lavatory, the door opens and a coughing teen scurries out, the air thickly blue behind him.

"Get back to class," the principal says gruffly as he and Woodruff enter. "Now, Woodruff, can you smell that?"

"Mr. Principal, I will examine this mirror for clues!"

"What?"

"Who is that sexy devil? Whoever it is, the world obviously revolves around him!"

"Woodruff, all of you have to do is take one whiff, I'm sure you'll smell the smoke."

"Yes sir, but this mirror is in desperate need of investigating."

by **pimpdave** on Sat May 29, 2010 10:59 am

Woodruff is tucking his young son into bed when his son says, "Daddy, I'm afraid there are monsters under my bed."

"Well son, fear is illogical," and as Woodruff's son rolls his eyes, he continues, "Nonetheless, I will look under your bed to verify that there are no monsters." Woodruff gets down on the ground, and pokes his head under the bed. "OH MY GOD!" He shrieks.

"What! What is it Daddy? Are there monsters?"

"No, but there is a handsome devil." Woodruff's son's face changes swiftly from horror to exasperation.

Woodruff's wife calls up from downstairs. "What's going on up there?"

Her son yells back, "I think Daddy found the mirror I shoved under my bed when you told me to clean up my room."

"I sure did!" Woodruff calls back, "and I'm going to need to investigate it for clues!"

Woodruff's wife appears at the door and says, "Oh great. Well, son, go ahead and go sleep in my bed, I'm not sure your father will be done 'investigating' for a few hours and it's already past your bed time. I'll just sleep in your bed."

by **jefjef** on Sat May 29, 2010 11:14 am

Now a word from this threads sponser.

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Because they both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

No one wipes shit like a CC multi on a roll!

by **Phatscotty** on Sat May 29, 2010 11:30 am

pimpdave wrote:Unfortunately, THORNHEART'S reality show has been canceled until he completes his sensitivity training seminar.

In the meantime, however, MTV has green lit a new reality show about none other than Woodruff! Let's post episodes of the show here.

Not surprised you watch MTV...

by **Pedronicus** on Sat May 29, 2010 11:57 am

Great stuff Pimp - I laughed.

by **DirtyDishSoap** on Sat May 29, 2010 12:21 pm

"Mr. Principal, I will examine this mirror for clues!"

"What?"

"Who is that sexy devil? Whoever it is, the world obviously revolves around him!"

"Woodruff, all of you have to do is take one whiff, I'm sure you'll smell the smoke."

"Yes sir, but this mirror is in desperate need of investigating."

LOL!

by **Army of GOD** on Sat May 29, 2010 12:24 pm

Phatscotty wrote:
pimpdave wrote:Unfortunately, THORNHEART'S reality show has been canceled until he completes his sensitivity training seminar.

In the meantime, however, MTV has green lit a new reality show about none other than Woodruff! Let's post episodes of the show here.

Not surprised you watch MTV...

It's possible to know they play shitty reality shows on MTV without watching it.

by **beezer** on Sat May 29, 2010 12:44 pm

pimpdave wrote:Woodruff, a mild mannered teacher by day, is relaxing during his free period, calling people "abject morons" on internet forums when suddenly, the Principal bursts in.

"Woodruff," he says, slightly out of breath, "I think one of the kids has been smoking cigarettes in the bathroom, can you go have a smell and tell me what you think?"

"Sure thing boss, let me just finish this jingoistic diatribe here." Woodruff then says out loud what he is writing, "Fuck you! I am not, nor ever shall be, your friend."

"Oh, Jesus Christ, stop it with this Spock fantasy. We all know you're a huge flip case. Now go check out the bathroom with me, would you?"

As soon as they arrive at the boys lavatory, the door opens and a coughing teen scurries out, the air thickly blue behind him.

"Get back to class," the principal says gruffly as he and Woodruff enter. "Now, Woodruff, can you smell that?"

"Mr. Principal, I will examine this mirror for clues!"

"What?"

"Who is that sexy devil? Whoever it is, the world obviously revolves around him!"

"Woodruff, all of you have to do is take one whiff, I'm sure you'll smell the smoke."

"Yes sir, but this mirror is in desperate need of investigating."

by **CreepersWiener** on Sat May 29, 2010 12:50 pm

Woodruff looks behind mirror to see if there is any tampering. He is befuddled as he can't figure out exactly how his image is being projected from the glass. Suddenly, as Woodruff closes the medicine cabinet, a shadowy figure appears behind him in the mirror. Woodruff's eyes open wide in terror as b.k. barunt wraps a string of pepperoni sausages around his neck and begins to strangle Woodruff like a Vietnam Vet having a flashback.

"GACK!" says Woodruff as he grasps the pepperoni sausages with his hands and struggles to free himself. He flounders about the bathroom and knocks over his toothbrush holder and hits the water faucet handle with his foot, turning the faucet on.

Woodruff's bunny slippers make squeaky noises on the bathroom linoleum, and he begins to feel faint.

The last thing Woodruff remembers before he blacks out are the whispered words of b.k. barunt:

"Honibaz!"

by **pimpdave** on Tue Aug 12, 2014 1:16 pm

Since that thread about JamesKer1 is allowed, I'm bumping this in prep for a new installment of The Adventures of Woodruff: Professional Mirror Investigator.

These kinds of threads have been and have not been allowed over the years, often times with a banning accompanying the sudden rule change, but if TeeGee can post what he did in the JamesKer1 thread, this is clearly allowed again.

by **Phatscotty** on Thu Aug 14, 2014 11:02 pm

I think they have a crush on me

To Phatscotty:

SecretAdmirer wrote:

by **Phatscotty** on Thu Aug 14, 2014 11:05 pm

Army of GOD wrote:
Phatscotty wrote:
pimpdave wrote:Unfortunately, THORNHEART'S reality show has been canceled until he completes his sensitivity training seminar.

In the meantime, however, MTV has green lit a new reality show about none other than Woodruff! Let's post episodes of the show here.

Not surprised you watch MTV...

It's possible to know they play shitty reality shows on MTV without watching it.

Since this time I have seen internet clips and gifs of 'Jersey Shore', point taken sir.

by **Dukasaur** on Fri Aug 15, 2014 4:32 am

I'm locking this post until TeeGee has time to review the reports in it.

While it's true that OT has relaxed standards nowadays, deliberate trolling of a member is still not allowed.

I quote:
Subject: A simple OT guide-Why are the site moderators allowing this?

TeeGee wrote:2) Joe Bloggs is posting stuff I disagree with

That is NOT a valid reason for a report. If you disagree with the topic/post in question then,
ignore, foe, or debate
BUT DO NOT
name call, harass or in general terms flame the individual.