Conquer Club

lord twiggy1 wrote:

pyro55 wrote:

hecter wrote:

hecter wrote:LAME!!!

your a dumbass

do you hate hecter. if you do vlick the link in my sig and you can join the LDA

Suck my balls you stupid rabbit!

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next."

A blonde and a redhead were sitting together having drinks, when the blonde noticed a man walking towards them with an arm full of long stem red roses. The blonde says to the redhead, "isn't that your husband coming carrying all those roses?"

The redhead says, yes it is.

The blonde responds by saying, "Oh you are so lucky".

The redhead says, "No I'm not. All that means is that I have to spend the whole week-end flat on my back, with my legs in the air and spread apart."

The blonde says, "Oh my, don't you have a vase to put them in?"

A blonde went in the library and walked up to the librarian behind the desk and said, "I would like a cheeseburger."

The librarian replied,"Shh! This is a library!" The blonde blushed. "oh, sorry.." then she whispered, "I would like a cheeseburger."

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a crap."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."

The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"

He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

This is kind of long

There was this blonde, brunette, and Red Head all on top of the Empire state Building with their lunches.
The Brunette opens her lunch and finds a Ham sandwich. "Oh man I hate ham!" she says, "If I get it one more time, I'm goanna jump off and kill myself."
The Red Head opens her lunch and finds a turkey sandwich, "Oh man I hate turkey!" She said, "If I get turkey one more time I'll jump off and kill myself."
Then the Blonde opens her lunch and finds a PBJ. "Oh man I hate PBJ!" She said, "If I get it one more time I'll jump off and kill myself."
The next day they go back up the building with lunches, they all have the same lunch and then they jump off and kill themselves
At the funeral, the Brunette's mom says, "I don't get it, I don't get it, I thought she loved Ham."
The Red Head's mom says, "I don't get it, I don't get it, I thought she loved Turkey."
And then the Blonde's mom says, "I don't get it, I don't get it, she packed her own lunch."

salr15 wrote:Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a crap."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."

The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"

He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

this couldnt happen in canada because we dont have one dollar bills

duday53 wrote:

salr15 wrote:Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a crap."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."

The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"

He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

this couldnt happen in canada because we dont have one dollar bills

Sucks to be you! jk.

Not a blonde joke, but i thought i'd post this anyway.


Larry was visited by God one day, and god said to him "Larry you have been a good man, but i fear that you will not get into the house of god when you die, your hedonistic ways will stop you entering the kingdom of heaven"

"What can i do ?" asked Larry.

"Give up smoking, drinking and sex. That is the path to my Kingdom, my son. I will be back in a month to see how you get on"

A month later, God returned to visit Larry, and asked him "How have you done my son" ?


"I've managed to give up smoking and drinking my lord"

"What about the Sex?"

"Well my lord, i was doing fine, until one day i saw my girl bent over a freezer wiggling as she looked for stuff, and to be honest Lord, i couldn't help myself".


"They won't be happy about that here in Heaven Larry "


"They weren't too pleased with it at the 7-11 either Lord"

Why was there lipstick on the steering wheel?

Because the blonde was trying to blow her horn.

What's the difference between a blonde, and a slut???





Don't know? Neither do I

Ten blonds and a brunette are hanging on a rope, dangling off of a cliff. The rope starts to break from the weight of all the women. The brunette says, "Hey girls, I'm going to sacrifice myself and allow the rest of you to live by letting go of the rope!"


The 10 blonds admiring the brunette for her concern for others started clapping.

What do you call a brunette standing between two blonds?





























An interpreter.

a smart blonde, a dumb blonde and santa clause are walking down the street. There is a 100 dollar bill on the ground, who picks it up?











No one, santa is too fat, the dumb blonde doesn't realize it is there, and there is no such thing as a smart blonde

My girlfriend is blonde....


And she's smarter than any other of my friends...




--nope, no jokes.--

She's probably an aeroplane blonde

dirty blonde doesn't count, unless she is a dirty girl... no offense, it had to be said.