Conquer Club

I know, though a few jokes DID get out of hand, I would not say enough did for it to be moved here, but eh, wht are you going to do eh?


Knock Knock,
Whos there?
Screw
Screw who?
Not you!

A jump lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."

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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for
shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

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Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Yang-Yong-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right" he said "the steaks are too high."

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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.

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I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week .... and pulled a
mussel.

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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.

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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Why are womens feet smaller than mens ?

So they can get closet to the washing up.

civver wrote:

Gold Knight wrote:What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
Avalanche

What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
Mudslide

What do you call a bunch of Puerto Ricans running down a hill?
Jailbreak

You are inviting a mod reprisal.

hey I have a puerto rican friend and he would be very offended if he read this...luckily he doesn't go to CC so I can laugh

AK_iceman wrote:Moved to the Funny Farm where it belongs.

Keep this one clean and within guidleines or it'll be locked down faster than a 30 account multi.

You mean SteveGriffen23 or whoever that guy was?

autoload wrote:

AK_iceman wrote:Moved to the Funny Farm where it belongs.

Keep this one clean and within guidleines or it'll be locked down faster than a 30 account multi.

You mean SteveGriffen23 or whoever that guy was?

He made more I thought...

What is red, black, and white all over?



An escaped convict who just got shot.

Just to let the rest of you know, the original was supposed to be STUPID jokes, not jokes in general.

I thought it was horribal jokes, as in bad taste.

I have refrained from my more colourful ones.

two paedophiles sitting on a park bench see a 13 year old on her way to school.
One turns to the other and says.

"my, she'dve looked good in her day".

allright my friend told me this one black joke so dont get mad at me if you think its racist

what do you call a black kid in a pile of leaves


rasin bran

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.

What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

How do you swat 200 flies at one time
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape?
So it doesn't split when you f*ck it.

What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
Drowns.

What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
You know she'll swallow.

Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.

What do 54,000-abused woman every year have in common?
They don't fucking listen.



Too far?

sigh. oh well, we gave you guys a chance, but you apparently don't know how to joke without being racist.