Conquer Club

3 accountants sit outside an office, waiting for an interview with a quality firm, which will pay the eventual candidate f*ck loads of cash.

So the first candidate is ushered into the office to be interviewed. The interviewer just asks him one question: What is 3 + 3?

The accountant is a little baffled, due to the simplicity of the question, but eventually says "well....6 obviously" ...to which the interviewer says "get the f*ck out of here".

The 2nd accountant is called in, and he is asked the same question...again he is a little baffled, but thinking this is a trick question, he says "ummm....7?" again, he is told to f*ck off.

The last accountant is ushered in, and asked the same question, and straight away he replies "whatver you want it to equal" to which the interviewer says "you've got the job".

Hahahahaha.

made me think of reading the book 1984, by Orson Wells.
Cause 2+2=5

A frog hops into a bank, and sits to wait for a clerk. Eventually it is his turn, and he hops up to the desk...a desk with the a man with the name "Mr P. Whack" on his tag, with a little shamrock badge beside it.

The clerk asks him what he wants, and the frog explains " well, my dad is mick jagger, but I need 10 thousand quid"...the bank clerk is a little taken a-back, and delves into the frogs credentials..."well, all i've got on me is this little wooden elephant figure I got from a trip to india...."says the frog...the bank clerk is confused, and tells him he had to see the manager to authorise the cash payment.

When he walks into office, he explains to the manager "there's a frog outside, claims to be mick jagger's son....he wants 10K and all he has on him ios this little wooden elephant model.."

The bank clerk thinks about this for a while, then suddenly a spark lights up in his eye..

" ahh...
It's nic-nac, Paddy Whack
Give the frog a loan
His old man's a rolling stone!"

So a British man goes to a tailor to get a suit. The tailor tells him to come back in three days, he'll have it ready then.

Three days later, the man comes back. The tailor tells him "I've made a hash of the crotch -- come back in a week." The British man takes the news gracefully, and goes back home.

A week later, the tailor tells him he accidentally tore one leg -- come back in a month. The man sighs, but doesn't complain.

One month later, the tailor tells him he was almost finished last night -- but then he dropped part of it in the fire. The man loses his patience: "What's wrong with you? God made the world in 6 days -- but you can't even finish a damn suit!"

To which the tailor responds: "Yes -- but look at the world!"

Hitler was walking down the street one day, and this guy comes up to him and asks "Hey Hitler, what did you do today?"

Hitler replies "Oh, I killed 10 Jews and a clown."

The guy asks "Why'd you kill the clown Hitler?"

Hitler says, "See, no one cares about the Jews."



Oh, did I go to far?

Hologram wrote:Hitler was walking down the street one day, and this guy comes up to him and asks "Hey Hitler, what did you do today?"

Hitler replies "Oh, I killed 10 Jews and a clown."

The guy asks "Why'd you kill the clown Hitler?"

Hitler says, "See, no one cares about the Jews."



Oh, did I go to far?

Not far enough

How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of baby.

What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferrari?

I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time

What's pink, red and silver?

A baby playing with a razor blade

What's grey, red silver and green?

The same baby 3 months later

What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
Sexy.

Since when are "dead baby" jokes classified as "tasteful"?

post them somewhere else.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day my finance's little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car!

*puts his condoms in the car*

wcaclimbing wrote:made me think of reading the book 1984, by Orson Wells.
Cause 2+2=5

Is that like watching that film Citizen Kane by George Orwell?


Why do the elephants have Big Ears? Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.

Bertros Bertros wrote:

wcaclimbing wrote:made me think of reading the book 1984, by Orson Wells.
Cause 2+2=5

Is that like watching that film Citizen Kane by George Orwell?

Skoffin wrote:Am I too late for the dead baby jokes?

never
whats the difference between a freezer and a baby


the freezer doesnt scream when i put my meat in it

Went to see my parents the other day, and found the old man sitting outside in the freezing cold, with nothing on below the waist. I said "dad what the hell are you doing, you'll catch a death of cold". He explained "I came out the other day with no shirt on, and got stiff neck, this is your Mother's idea"

lord voldemort wrote:

Skoffin wrote:Am I too late for the dead baby jokes?

never
whats the difference between a freezer and a baby


the freezer doesnt scream when i put my meat in it

That jokes already been used. By you. Twice.

How do you stop a baby from crying? Stick your penis in its mouth. How do you get it to stop gagging? Take it back out.

Whats do you get when you stick a baby in a blender? I dont know about you but i get a boner.

Whats worse then sticking a baby in a microwave? Me jerking off to it.

Whats the difference between me jumping on a trampoline and me jumping on a baby?
I take off my shoes when i jump on a trampoline

Whats the difference between having a BMW in your garage and 1000 dead babies? I dont have the BMW in my garage.

looooollllll

for some reason a lot of those kinda made me think that ur a paedo!
but i no ur not lmao

One problem with sticking your penis in a baby's mouth: it may be in the biting stage.

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?



The kid in Michael Jackson's basement...

InkL0sed wrote:One problem with sticking your penis in a baby's mouth: it may be in the biting stage.

Obviously you have to do it before they start getting their teeth.


Time for something different I think.

Mommy, mommy! I don't like grandpa!
Shut up and eat what's on your plate!