Conquer Club

Anybody have any good ones? And by good I mean bad. like...

"How did the germans invade polland?" -- They walked in backwards and said they were leaving.
"Did you hear about the fight in the ikea?" -- it was an armoire.


Shit...are Pollock jokes racist?

A pre-pubescent child asks his Priest, "Have you got any kiddie porn on your computer?"
and the Priest says, "No."

A waiter walks up to his table of old Jewish ladies and asks:

"Is there anything alright here?"

So I was on an airplane Thursday, and the pilot goes on the mic and does his whole thing, "We're cruising at an altitude of 35,000 ft blah blah" and puts the mic down but forgets to turn it off. So then he turns to the co-pilot and says, "Man, what I really could use right now is a friendly blowjob and a cup of cofffee." So, of course a stewardess comes running out from the back of the plane to tell the pilot that the mic wasn't off, and this guy leans out of his aisle seat and yells, "Hon — don't forget the coffee!"

Good movie.

.44

Bill Odie 63, Graham Gardener 65, Tim Brooke-Taylor 62. who'd of thought Jade Goody would be the first Goody to die.




for British members, unless you look them up.

WHO REALLY IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?






This really works...!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

bedub1 wrote:Shit...are Pollock jokes racist?

No. Cubist, perhaps. Or maybe fauvist, but definitely not racist.

How long does it take for a baby to explode in a microwave?

I don't know... I close my eyes when I masturbate.

What do you do when an elephant starts coming through your window?
Start swimming

Why do German shower heads have eleven holes.....

...Because Jews only have ten fingers

What's the best thing about fucking 27 year olds?
There's 20 of 'em.


What's the best thing about getting a wank off a 7yr old?
Your cock looks fucking massive in their tiny hands.



What's red and screams?
A peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

Statiscially 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

What do the Conservative Party and the Atlantic have in common?
Both have gained 200 seats this week.

Josef Fritzl;
Putting the 'semen' back into 'basement'.

When I was a kid I was very ill in hospital and Gary Glitter came to visit me.
I was touched.

Britain's paralympic cycling gold medal winner has tested positive for using performance enhancers.
Stabilisers.

I went on a blind date last night with a stunning girl. We seemed to have a lot in common and liked all the same films, music and hobbies. It was going really well untill she asked me if I had any children.
Apparantly "Yes, I have thousands on my hard drive" wasn't quite the answer she was looking for...

When it comes to sex, I pride myself on being like the tortoise: I always get there before the hair.

sam_levi_11 wrote:What do the Conservative Party and the Atlantic have in common?
Both have gained 200 seats this week.

What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
The little kid in my cellar.

What do you do with a Jewish child with ADHD?
Send it to concentration camp.

What's the best thing about shagging a 6 year old girl?
Mid way through you can flip her over & pretend she's a 6 year old boy.

What do you call 200 Frenchmen at the bottom of the Atlantic?
A good start.

Did you hear about the Irish Exorcism?

The mother got the devil to remove a priest from her son

Pedronicus wrote:Did you hear about the Irish Exorcism?

The mother got the devil to remove a priest from her son

Have you ever had an Irish mixed grill?
Boiled potatoes, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, sautéed potatoes & chips.

So, I heard the French Navy got a new flag,
its a white cross on a white backround

Why does the French Navy have glass bottom boats,
so they can see the old French Navy

Why do Oak trees line the streets of Paris,
so their is something to shade the marching Nazi armys

what's the differance between a ferrari and 20 dead babies?

I don't have a ferrari in my garage

..........................

whats worse than 20 dead babies in a dustbin?

1 is still alive

what's worse than that?

it has to eat it's way out

what's worse than that?

it comes back for more

...........................

Whats worse then 20 babys nailed to a tree
one baby nailed to 20 tree's

...............................

Man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide
Libarian says "f*ck of you won't brin git back"

Q: What's the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?

A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

Why is a truckload of babies better than a truckload of sand?

You can't unload sand with a pitchfork!

(joke from France)

What screams, smells of frites, and doesn't matter?

A busload of Belgians going off a cliff.

What did the cervix say to the gynocologist? Dilated to meet you

BoganGod wrote:Why is a truckload of babies better than a truckload of sand?

You can't unload sand with a pitchfork!

how do you get a hundred babies in jar?
blender
how do you get them out?
Doritos

Durrge wrote:So, I heard the French Navy got a new flag,
its a white cross on a white backround

Why does the French Navy have glass bottom boats,
so they can see the old French Navy

Why do Oak trees line the streets of Paris,
so their is something to shade the marching Nazi armys

Q: What do you call 200,000 Frenchmen with there arms in the air?

A: The French army.


Did you here about the new French tank?

It has 1 speed in forward and 5 in reverse.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the pervert!
Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken!