the longest thread, thread - Occasionally NSFW

[autoload]

Quirk Combo Breaker!

[2dimes]

I'm fine with Quirk running this operation but I can't deny autoload his 10 for that.

[Quirk]

BPotW

[AK_iceman]

Sup everyone, still going with the longest thread thread

[AK_iceman]

255 maps holy shit! Andy has been a busy monkey huh?

[2dimes]

Andy is missing.

[autoload]

We need Colonel Braddock to find him.

[Quirk]

BPotW

[Dukasaur]

I bought a banana today.

[AK_iceman]

I bought a banana today.

For what purpose?

[Dukasaur]

I bought a banana today.

For what purpose?

Living a low-carb lifestyle, I rarely eat fruit, but once in a while I feel like it. This week, I felt like a banana.

Now, it just so happens (serendipity) that the same day I was listening to the radio and a particular trivia question came up. The question was, "what food is wasted the most?" and sure enough, the answer was "bananas." I knew that was the answer but I didn't get through on the phones. But it is a very common phenomenon. People feel like having a banana, they buy a bunch of five or six, eat one or two, and the other three or four end up in the compost.

My wife used to insist on buying bananas every week. Almost always some would get wasted. It wasn't too bad while the kids still lived with us. Usually only one or two would go bad in those days. Later, after the kids moved out, most of the bunch would go to waste. We'd buy a bunch of bananas, my wife would eat one or two, I'd eat zero or one, and three or more would end up in the compost heap. Eventually, bless her heart, she learned her lesson and started only buying three bananas instead of a whole bunch. Even so, usually one or two would go bad. Still, it was an improvement.

My wife was wiser than most. Almost always I see people in the grocery store just grab full bunches without counting, and I know that most are compost-bound. Almost any time I've been a guest in anyone's house, I've seen the customary over-ripe bunch of bananas sitting in the middle of the table, and I know their sad fate.

So, I felt like a banana, and I bought a banana. Not a bunch, not a half-bunch, not even three, or two. One.

[autoload]

That's pretty good. I would always force myself to eat three bananas on the very last day before they got too ripe for my taste.

[Quirk]

BPotW

[2dimes]

Is that the Saxitoxin weekend getaway special?

[autoload]

I can't wait to see the BPOTW.

[Quirk]

BPotW



An oldie from 2009 when The Thread was hoppin'.

[autoload]

How many of those are ripe by next week?

[Quirk]

BPotW

[autoload]

Is it new banana time yet?

[Quirk]

BPotW

[Dukasaur]

BPotW

Looks like it was a penis-measuring contest in the cannibal village.

[Quirk]

I made a tie-dye shirt and my wife immediately saw a penis right in the middle of it. She was surprised when I still wore it. I'm not anti-penis. I said the word phallic exists because a lot of things look like penises. There's no shame in being penis-shaped.

[2dimes]

I think they have taken over from boobs in the teenage comedy genre of movies. I like boobs better. I guess I'm old and not the target audience though.

[autoload]

I'm with 2dimes.

[Dukasaur]

https://bust.com/arts/196838-baubo-ancient-vagina-goddess.html

Even to modern eyes, the terracotta statuettes are bizarre. Found in 1896 in the remains of a 5th-century BCE temple at the ancient Greek city of Priene, each figurine is different, but all feature a woman’s face, bedecked with an elaborate hairdo, situated directly atop a pair of chubby, childlike legs. In place of a chin, there is the well-defined cleft of a hairless vulva. But for one of the German archeologists working on the dig, the figures looked familiar. He quickly concluded that they were images of Baubo, a mythological character—some say goddess—whose main claim to fame was flashing her genitals to cheer up the agricultural goddess Demeter. “Surely we are dealing with a creation from the context of the grotesque-obscene aspects of the Demeter cult,” he declared.

(...) scholars differ widely in their interpretations of Baubo-related texts and artifacts. Did her name mean “belly,” “cave,” or “vulva”? Was she a goddess of fertility, sexuality, or mirth? Or was she even a goddess at all? And when it comes to those weird statuettes from Priene, there’s no agreement about who they are or what they represent, even though they were found in the remains of a temple dedicated to Demeter, the ancient goddess of grain and agriculture, with whom Baubo is so closely associated.

Adding to the confusion, there are many versions of Baubo’s story, which basically goes like this. According to Greek mythology, one day, Demeter’s daughter, Persephone (also known as Kore), was out picking flowers when she was raped and abducted by Hades, god of the underworld. The furious Demeter gave chase, forgetting her responsibilities in the world above ground. As a result, grain didn’t grow—the land laid fallow—and many died of starvation due to famine. Disguised as an old woman dressed in black, Demeter came to the city of Eleusis, where she rested by a well, mourning the loss of her daughter. There, she was found by Baubo, a nurse or servant in the Eleusinian ruler’s household. Baubo offered the goddess a cup of wine but Demeter refused it. Baubo offered sympathy but was rebuffed again. Then Baubo did a thing that even today would get you noticed—she lifted up her skirt and showed off her private parts. The gesture made Demeter laugh, and then the goddess ate and drank. In some retellings, Baubo is accompanied by another servant, Iambe, who tells dirty jokes in an effort to make Demeter laugh, but it’s almost always Baubo’s flashing that gets the job done. (Sometimes, Baubo and Iambe are the same person. Sometimes she goes by the name of Hecate or Isis. As I said, it’s confusing.)