You know how when you cum, your dick makes this high-pitched, squealy noise? Well, when I did came earlier, it sounded like the first three notes to the National Anthem. XFD I laughed so hard.

court.

See it started this morning when I realized I never heard my girlfriend fart. I turn to her and ask "hey _______, do you ever fart?" and she replies "yea of course, but come to think of it I've never farted around you". I asked her "why not?" and she said she just didn't and couldn't explain ...

Que Malo once again I am left to sugar my own churros
I had a journal that spanned from 1st grade to my senior year of high school, but it had like 10 entries. I think I should write in my blog everyday so I can have some memories of my rocking college days.

Today I went running and I think I saw a ...

fucked constantly while my girlfriends "mental" boyfriend pays for everything.

Hes providing some money for us to f*ck in the Florida keys. XFD what a maroon.

1. Martial Arts instructor
2. US Military Weapons analyst
3. Business Entrepreneurship Abroad (anywhere in Europe) for Microsoft
4. Some dude named Omar wants me to run his office

Meh

Our close blood bonds
is that which keeps us away
from ever loving each other,
An endless guilt to pay

All I want to show you
no matter how forbidden
our love maybe eternal
but you are still my cousin

It turns out I dont have a daughter. Long story short, Im an Uncle.

She said she wants to be sure I stay with her and make sure I don't use my Economics degree until she is done getting her degree in two years. I have built up a good reputation at Target in the past few months, and I hope it will look good for when I can apply to corporate to use my degree.

So ...

On the left

http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/8581/l78d327ed90066c690d8408tt1.jpg


I'll be posting them tomorrow around 5:00pm EST when I get back from her house. She's having a family BBQ there and she promised me a "surprise". We've done sexual stuff before and I'm 99% sure ...

considering the rules of the board, this is the only iamge I can upload:

She's a 40-ish years old Swedish. I was corresponding with her about my work through emails and BAM. 6 pictures of her tasty tits and other interesting parts. It looks like she has a tattoo of a butterfly (or eagle).

I just replied to the email with a "Error, the following email can not be ...

Okay, so last night I was drinking with my 16 and my 19 year old sisters. I'm talking super drunk. So drunk I have no recollection of the night at all. Anyways so this morning I wake up and my asshole feels like its on fire, so I assume beer shits and make my way to the toilet. I sit down to shit ...

having sex.

I know I make a lot of joke topics but I SWEAR to you guys this is real.

I'm at my coolege house watching some porn like a usual student. The volume on my speakers were not that loud so no one could hear outside my room and walkway (I'm alone). But I was wrong. My room is near the ...

why was this bumped?

MODS LOCK THIS TOPIC!

Not because I dont want, but because of what happened tonight.


My next door neighbor, Regina, a girl that I have known since 7th grade, had a party tonight with a bunch of different groups of kids. The popular fags were there (Sean, Ted, and Ethan). Some slutty girls. Emily my ex love of my life ...

so she invited me over for a sleepover at her house last night. I grabbed all the necessities (pj's, toothbrush, deodorant, my external hard drive ect.)

So after about midnight, I was trying to wait for her to get to sleep so I could jack off before I hit the sack myself. After an hour of talking ...

I just got off the phone with her Mom, and she confirmed that she was my daughter, still not sure what to tell her =/

<twildo edit>
When I was 11, I had a 16 year old baby sitter who taught me to copy and paste stories about my future "daughter" and her escapades with my wiener. And then I posted those stories to a forum whose forum guidelines said I should be posting such stuff...especially when people are going ...

My dad had some business partners coming round so he told me to get the f*ck out for the night, gave me a couple hundred to get some jack n shit with the crew.

Phoned em up, told them to meet down by the lake, been a warm ass day so we were gonna chill the f*ck out with a couple girls from the ...

"I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morning. When he got to the ticket booth it turned out there was only one ticket left; the manager was there and wanted to give it to me instead since I ...

Poor people fucking suck. Leeches on society. I'm 16 and know how things work. I listen to metal and classic rock exclusively as they're the best and only worthwhile music that's ever been made in the entirety of history. I can fill up my 100gb non-ipod mp3 player over 10 times with all the music i ...

My only real concern about going to the ER is that my dear mother works there as a nurse. She is on shift until after dinner tonight. Do I risk allowing it to fester for so long?

The explanation really isn't that fantastic and if you're hoping for some grand adventure then you're reading this fort the wrong reason. If you're thinking I'm going to explain how I'm an idiot then you're also here for the wrong reason.

This was bad luck. It could have happened to anyone with a ...

My friends a genius, but he says hes insane.