Post a good joke

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PLAYER57832
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by PLAYER57832 »

An Irish Lent Story...



An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers.

The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.

This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times.

Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town.

"I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?"

"Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia.

We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers

became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart.

This continues for the rest of the evening.

He orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your
brother. You know-the two beers and all."

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well.

It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."
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Symmetry
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by Symmetry »

Awesome

What do you call fish with no eyes?
Spoiler
Fsh
I like the jokes from when I was a kid.
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jay_a2j
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by jay_a2j »

A lion wouldn't cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.

(as told to me by my daughter)
THE DEBATE IS OVER...
PLAYER57832 wrote:Too many of those who claim they don't believe global warming are really "end-timer" Christians.
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Timminz
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by Timminz »

jay_a2j wrote:A lion wouldn't cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.

(as told to me by my daughter)
That's awesome!
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daddy1gringo
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by daddy1gringo »

Why did the bicycle fall over?
Spoiler
Because it was two tired
The right answer to the wrong question is still the wrong answer to the real question.
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daddy1gringo
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by daddy1gringo »

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
The right answer to the wrong question is still the wrong answer to the real question.
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monster10
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by monster10 »

can we post black jokes or obama jokes
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daddy1gringo
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by daddy1gringo »

If I don't pay my exorcist, will I get repossessed?
The right answer to the wrong question is still the wrong answer to the real question.
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Phatscotty
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by Phatscotty »

OK, testing testing 123. Perfect place for me to test a joke I made up. Let me know honestly if it's stupid, ok, or pretty good.

Why did the Bacteria break up with the Virus?

Because he was not a fun-gi

Har Har Har
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daddy1gringo
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by daddy1gringo »

So we're passing around our home-grown stuff? (a reference to my BC days) OK, here's my contribution to the world of the "shaggy dog" story:

Two frogs are having stewed flies for dinner, and deciding what to season them with. One goes to the cabinet, and being good Simon and Garfunkel fans, they only have four seasonings: parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. The first one says, "let's season our flies with parsley today."

"Nah, we had parsley yesterday."

"OK, how about sage?"

"We had that the day before yesterday."

"How about rosemary?"

"I never liked rosemary."

"Well that leaves the thyme."

"yeah, use that...
Spoiler
...thyme's fun when you're having flies."
The right answer to the wrong question is still the wrong answer to the real question.
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jay_a2j
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by jay_a2j »

Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?

Spoiler
It shows that he didn't have a virgin birth.

Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?

Spoiler
Because Carter didn't want to be the worst President in history.

Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?

Spoiler
If he were any heavier he wouldn't be able to walk on water.


SPREAD THE WEALTH AROUND
Image


Image
THE DEBATE IS OVER...
PLAYER57832 wrote:Too many of those who claim they don't believe global warming are really "end-timer" Christians.
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clapper011
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by clapper011 »

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where?"
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clapper011
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by clapper011 »

and a little knock knock humor lol
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luck.
Luck who?
Luck through the keyhole and you'll find out
8-[
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jay_a2j
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by jay_a2j »

clapper011 wrote:A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where?"

:lol:
THE DEBATE IS OVER...
PLAYER57832 wrote:Too many of those who claim they don't believe global warming are really "end-timer" Christians.
JESUS SAVES!!!
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john9blue
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by john9blue »

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

What did the cat say when it was hurt? Me-owch.

Why is six afraid of seven? Because 7 8 9.

What time do you go to the dentist? 2:30.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :|
natty_dread wrote:Do ponies have sex?
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jonesthecurl
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by jonesthecurl »

john9blue wrote:Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

What did the cat say when it was hurt? Me-owch.

Why is six afraid of seven? Because 7 8 9.

What time do you go to the dentist? 2:30.

Knock-knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :|
AH, CHRISTMAS CRACKERS. GOTTA LOVE EM.
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the.killing.44
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by the.killing.44 »

daddy1gringo wrote:A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Possibly the funniest joke I've heard. Big kudos, good sir.
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BigBallinStalin
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by BigBallinStalin »

Symmetry wrote:Simple test of critical thinking (NOT TRUE), that is simple for small children (ACTUALLY TRUE)

1. How do you get an elephant into a fridge?
Spoiler
Open the door and put the elephant in. This question is designed to see if you overcomplicate things when a simple solution is available.
2. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge?
Spoiler
Open the fridge and take out the elephant, put in the giraffe. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. All the animals in the world are having a conference. Every animal attends apart from one. Which animal doesn't go?
Spoiler
The giraffe. You just put it in a fridge. This tests your memory.
Last chance:

4. You're standing on the banks of a river. A sign says- "Beware of Crocodiles". You need to get to the other side, but there's no boat, no bridge, it's too far to jump, and you have nothing useful at hand. How do get across.
Spoiler
You swim. Pay attention! All the animals are at a conference.

this was interesting
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jay_a2j
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by jay_a2j »

BigBallinStalin wrote:
Symmetry wrote:Simple test of critical thinking (NOT TRUE), that is simple for small children (ACTUALLY TRUE)

1. How do you get an elephant into a fridge?
Spoiler
Open the door and put the elephant in. This question is designed to see if you overcomplicate things when a simple solution is available.
2. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge?
Spoiler
Open the fridge and take out the elephant, put in the giraffe. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. All the animals in the world are having a conference. Every animal attends apart from one. Which animal doesn't go?
Spoiler
The giraffe. You just put it in a fridge. This tests your memory.
Last chance:

4. You're standing on the banks of a river. A sign says- "Beware of Crocodiles". You need to get to the other side, but there's no boat, no bridge, it's too far to jump, and you have nothing useful at hand. How do get across.
Spoiler
You swim. Pay attention! All the animals are at a conference.

this was interesting


Well, I got the last one right! =D>
THE DEBATE IS OVER...
PLAYER57832 wrote:Too many of those who claim they don't believe global warming are really "end-timer" Christians.
JESUS SAVES!!!
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daddy1gringo
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by daddy1gringo »

the.killing.44 wrote:
daddy1gringo wrote:A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Possibly the funniest joke I've heard. Big kudos, good sir.
Thanks. I think I got it from Readers' Digest, but it cracked me up so I kept it.
The right answer to the wrong question is still the wrong answer to the real question.
billy07
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by billy07 »

pearl harbor is the only american state that starts with p and ends in r
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L M S
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by L M S »

What do you call two boards and three nails?
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An Easter kit.
“One of God's own prototypes.....never even considered for mass production.
Too weird to live, and too rare to die.”
billy07
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by billy07 »

if your girlfriend is overwieght get her to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles at night. by the end of the week the fat fucker will be 42 miles away boom boom
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daddy1gringo
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by daddy1gringo »

billy07 wrote:pearl harbor is the only american state that starts with p and ends in r
Nope; so does Puerto Rico. Oh, wait, neither of them is a state. #-o
The right answer to the wrong question is still the wrong answer to the real question.
billy07
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Re: Post a good joke

Post by billy07 »

daddy1gringo wrote:
billy07 wrote:pearl harbor is the only american state that starts with p and ends in r
Nope; so does Puerto Rico. Oh, wait, neither of them is a state. #-o
pearl harbor certainly was when the japs finished with it.
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