Lionz wrote:What lies do you refer to if you refer to actual ones that you can make mention of without judging someone in particular?
One set of lies I talk about extensively in another thread and does not need further discussion
here.
But mostly, its not direct lies, its a matter of being too strict in the wrong way.
Two examples of this, but hardly all.
Parents who are overly strict, they make it very hard to impossible for the children to really comply. As a result, the kids learn deceit. They hide errors instead of admitting them because the consequences are much more than the child can face. They pretend to obey when around their parents, but take every opportunity they can to do otherwise when out from their parent's thumbs. And, because the consequences are either non-existant or too far off to make a difference to a child, instead of learning the sense behind their parent's rules, instead they learn that their parents are just unreasonable. It is far from direct and simple, but that's pretty much what happens. Children, for example who are not allowed candy never learn limits. When they get it, they pig out. Sometimes they learn their lesson eventually, but often only after health problems or, sometimes peer pressure. It is not becuase of their parent's teachings.
Along with this are parents who just issue rules "follow me or else" without any real explanation, or an explanation that is meaningful to children. To a point "the Bible says it" is OK. However, just as "because I said so", only works for a short while and for certain ages. No, you don't argue with a 3 year old having a tantrum! You pick them up and deal with them ... Explanations follow later. However, a 10 year old asking for permission to go to a friend's house, needs to be told "I trust you, but I don't like what happens in that house, how about if you have your friend over here or go to the park together" (etc.) All kids question their parents, but when all kids are given is a bunch of "thou shalt nots", with only the barest of "why", then they are less likely to reason out why they need to follow the "rules" of their parents.
In both cases, because the child doesn't learn to trust their parents or to understand the rules, they are vulnerable. They lack a real foundation and therefore are likely to fall to the first person or group that comes in with "new" ideas and ways. It could be drugs, it could be a cult.. many things.
Sex education is a mixed example. Contrary to what many conservative groups wish to assert, "abstinence only" education is tied to
increases in pregnancies. Some of these programs are a kind of "just say no", with some moral reasoning. Some programs actually give out distorted or even false information regarding the problems, for example, with using birth control and/or engaging in sexual intercourse when not married. The truth is that there are plenty of purely objective, scientific and social reasons why teens ought not to get pregnant. The truth is that the goal of any good sexual education program is to have kids wait until they are ready to engage in sex. A good sex education is not a replacement for moral teachings of parents, it gives kids information that they can pair with the moral upbringing they get at home. This means, for example, talking about the pill, but also talking honestly about the failure rates, why they happen. It means talking about, for example, the high risks associated with pill use and smoking, about some other health risks (emphasis on talking to doctors, because a lot is specific to particular conditions, etc.), but not exaggerating those risks at all (trust is very, very important!). It means talking about the fact that NO birth control method is perfect and talking about the very high failure rates for all types of protection in teens. It means going into some of the difficulties with pregnancy, the realities of having a child at various ages. Ideally, it includes some honest discussion with teen mothers and the consequences. It means talking about the realities of sexually transmitted diseases. In particular, it means talking about the fact that ALL of those consequences can happen the
first time, etc. This teaching is not actually "morally neutral", because the real and honest truth is there are many reasons why it is not a good idea for teens in our society to become pregnant. However, the emphasis is on the reasons and not "the Bible says so" or even simply "we say so". The emphasis is on getting kids to think about consequences. The job of parents is to give the moral backdrop. However, while the science can be taught in a semester or even a few chapters, the morality really takes a lifetime.