and you guys have the cheapest gas in the world still - get over it
You said it! Over here we're fondly reminiscing about the days when it was the equivalent of 7 bucks a gallon. It's over 8 at the moment which is quite a stretch. Enjoy your 3 dollar something gas, lucky bastards...
Now Playing: “The Attack of the Odd Smelling Creature from Under the Outhouse”
Narrator: In this exciting issue The Newt explains the thrill of things slipping away… let’s tune in:
Maybe it’s human nature. Maybe it’s because I’ve been spending too many late nights playing Speed Crack (please see below). But lately I feel like I’ve been in a made for Television, Funded by Arts Canada, C Grade Horror Movie. And it really, really sucks.
You know the movie? The one where you go: “you would have to be an idiot to open that door.” And? Said idiot opens that door. And then gets stabbed in the forehead. Repeatedly. Yeah. I have knives in my forehead. Some of you do too. It is often (but not always to be sure) the reason for the “these dice can bite my hairy (albeit cute) arse” threads on the Board. It’s when you know you shouldn’t attack anymore. You KNOW it. Not even your crazy auntie who is always souped up on cold meds would attack anymore. But you do. Here is the dialogue straight from CC’s secret tapes:
Voice of Reason : “Good job Elf. You’ve moved forward well this turn. Now fort-up and move along.” Elfish_Lad : “What?!?! Yeah baby! Kickin’ Arse and taking names you Mother Of An Anteater’s Cousin! Deal with that!!!” Voice of Reason : “Hah, Elf. Good one. Now. Take that little lost 2 over there and place it on this stack of 5 here. Okay?” Elfish_Lad : “Right on! Moving forward! Gonna snag me another country before I’m done this turn, then I’ll get me a righteous bonus next turn and then on to the next territory and then VICTORY you Cow Looking Foppish Goul!” Voice of Reason : “Elf! STOP!!! Sweet Mother of...” Elfish_Lad : “Woo! Hoo! Forward HOOOOOE!!!! What?!?! Where did all my little armies go? Damn... These dice suck.” Voice of Reason : “…” Elfish_Lad : “How did this knife get stuck in my forehead anyway?!?!” Voice of Reason : “F U.”
Narrator: Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode of “The Newt Throws Away The Lead Again!”
The Elf and His Sexy Striptease
Here is an interesting development I haven't figured out how to conquer: (as mentioned above) I've been hooked on speed games for the last month and it is random.org's fault. I want to learn doubles and quads. I want to figure out terminator and kill your neighbour's uncle (or whatever those other game types are). I do. Really. But I need intervention. You see a couple of weeks back I booted up a few 1v1's in Ireland. No spoils. Adjacent. Speed. And I started to win. It was 3:30 in the morning and I had won like 15 in a row. Some against folks with swords on their lapels. It was nuts. This was the result:
Image
Crazy. In no time at all I went from lowly Sargent-without-the-little-red-dot-in-the-middle guy to Luey! I thought "I'll just make it to Captain and go to bed." No. You don't see a Captain's applet presently there under my avatar. I know you know what happened, but I like to hear myself talk so I'm going to lay it out for you anyway.
Ever have this experience as a kid? It is summer time and you're about 8 and you are running to the slide? You are ready to envision yourself as a sky-pilot dive bombing all the little kids at the bottom playing in the sand? You climb the ladder. You sit at the top in your best skater-dude-shorts and you begin your descent... (stop) and... your... (skid) burning legs... stick on the... (skin peals) hot slide all... the... (you don't want to cry but you can't help it) way... down to the... (frick, when is this going to end) bottom. Oh. Yeah. There was sand on the slide too.
I went from "Almost Captian" to "Frick I'm A Corporal 1st Class Again" and then to bed in under two hours. Go me.
It was inevitable of course. Nothing last forever. But now I feel like a coworker I know. We got her hooked on coffee. The first one's free but then you pay and pay and pay. She likes cappa-mocca-frappa-chugga-cuppa now at about $18 CDN a shot. She's lost her house to pay for the habit. I feel bad for her but hey, no one forced her to drink that first cup did they?!?! Nope.
Stupid winning streak anyway. What makes it worse is the fact that at the same time there were all these posts on the board about sucky dice. And I snickered. Foolish little Elf Person.
So. There you have it. The fortnightly rant of The Newt. Hope there was something in there you enjoyed. I'm off to play Ire... I'm off to... join in... a game of... Crap. You know where I'm going.