"Early" Love and Marriage

[Swimmerdude99]

Serious responses only please.

What is your guy's and gal's view on kids the age from 17-19 really understanding lasting love as well as being able to know if someone is who they want to marry and choosing that person wisely and based on character not just physical appearance?

[Funkyterrance]

Serious responses only please.

What is your guy's view on kids the age from 17-19 really understanding lasting love as well as being able to know if someone is who they want to marry and choosing that person wisely and based on character not just physical appearance?

I think that if you experienced enough to base your decision on character and not just physical appearance then you are better prepared than many much older. So basically, psychological age is more important than physical age imho.

[DoomYoshi]

I don't think it as possible today, what with values being all about individualism and superficiality.

[Funkyterrance]

I don't think it as possible today, what with values being all about individualism and superficiality.

You forget that swimmer is a Christian.

[CBlake]

If they are both physically mature(Boobs, Penis) then they should be fine.
-CB

[Swimmerdude99]

I don't think it as possible today, what with values being all about individualism and superficiality.

You forget that swimmer is a Christian.

Interesting point DoomYoshi. I would have to agree, if either or both of those people grew up with a mindset of those two qualities then it would be rather difficult. As Funky has mentioned I am a Christian (so please keep how much you hate christianity or how dumb you might think I am out of the post haha thats not what I wanted this to be about). But would me being a Christian change your view on it being possible? Or is your view that pretty much all kids/teens are growing up with those values forefront in their mind?

I think that if you experienced enough to base your decision on character and not just physical appearance then you are better prepared than many much older. So basically, psychological age is more important than physical age imho.

I think you make a valid point here, my friend.

[PLAYER57832]

Serious responses only please.

What is your guy's view on kids the age from 17-19 really understanding lasting love as well as being able to know if someone is who they want to marry and choosing that person wisely and based on character not just physical appearance?

Not a guy, but you have to remember that love is not an end, it is a process. They key is not quite so much "making the right choice" as having the ground work to deal with that choice. That means knowing the other person well enough to see more than just the surface and being flexible enough to change and deal with things that come.

In the past, it was easier, because people just did not have as many life choices. Most people's "roles" were more or less set by about age 16 or so. Now, its harder. Today, few 17 year olds even know what their options are, never mind which ones are best. I won't say its impossible to choose a life mate then, but its rare.

[kentington]

From what I see most teens are growing up with these values of individualism and superficiality. I have seen this in Christians just as much as any other place. It ranges a lot of people right now, not just 17-19 year olds.

Like FT said psychological maturity is key. I know some 50 year olds who don't have any idea of what it takes to live among other people.

[BigBallinStalin]

Such youths are incapable of making these big decisions for themselves, which is why I strongly support arranged marriages.

(But seriously, that's why premarital dating and sexing are necessary. Allowing for trial-and-error provides the opportunity to learn from mistakes in order to become more successful. So Answer: if they haven't dated each other and/or others for that long, then they don't really know).

[Haggis_McMutton]

eh, divorce lawyers have to make a living too.

[thegreekdog]

Serious responses only please.

What is your guy's view on kids the age from 17-19 really understanding lasting love as well as being able to know if someone is who they want to marry and choosing that person wisely and based on character not just physical appearance?

If the purpose of getting married for the teenager in question is to be able to have sex or to be able to live with a person, and not for anything else, then I would take a negative view. Get the sex over with or live with the person first.

If the purpose of getting married is love, why not wait for a little while? What's the problem with waiting until the couple achieves more financial security?

Two real life examples:
- I have a friend who is unmarried. When we were in law school, he was dating a woman with whom he was in a relationship since they were freshmen in college; that's seven years of dating. The day after we graduated law school, she gave him an ultimatum (in front of me and other friends) on marriage. He broke up with her.
- I have a friend who dated a girl since freshman year in college (again, seven years) and he and his wife got married immediately after graduating law school. They waited until they both had jobs and financial security, but there was never any doubt. They likely could have been married after a year or two of dating.

What's the difference between those two? Why did one relationship fail and the other not fail?

[caonima]

From what I see most teens are growing up with these values of individualism and superficiality.

of course, it's possible that humans have always been primarily self-interested and that there hasn't been a particularly seismic shift in values between 'the youth of today' and the people who raised 'the youth of today' and taught them how to behave

[NoSurvivors]

Swimmy, yes, of course it is possible. Of course I'd imagine that anywhere from 75-98% of kids under 19 have no idea what it is to truly love a person, and have opinions made mainly based on appearances when making the decision on "if they "love" a person or not.

However, yes. I do believe there are that small margin of kids that do know and kind of if not fully know what it is to love someone. It's hard to find another kid that age that does understand the concept (it isn't an easy one to fathom, lol). It's also hard to know of said other is really wanting a lasting relationship or just a date and run kinda deal. Idk, hard question, but like FT said, its all about maturity. If both are ready to commit to each other and really understand and love one another I don't see why not. However, like a few have said, materialistic is a word that describes many teens, so even though possible, unlikely.

[Funkyterrance]

From what I see most teens are growing up with these values of individualism and superficiality. I have seen this in Christians just as much as any other place.

I'm not trying to overly emphasize the Christian aspect but it should be said that someone of Christian upbringing and an actual Christian imho are two completely separate things. Someone of Christian upbringing can certainly be a Christian but this most certainly is not a guarantee. Further, a Christian by definition is not overly individualistic or superficial.

[kentington]

From what I see most teens are growing up with these values of individualism and superficiality.

of course, it's possible that humans have always been primarily self-interested and that there hasn't been a particularly seismic shift in values between 'the youth of today' and the people who raised 'the youth of today' and taught them how to behave

I agree which is basically what I said with the rest of that post.

[kentington]

From what I see most teens are growing up with these values of individualism and superficiality. I have seen this in Christians just as much as any other place.

I'm not trying to overly emphasize the Christian aspect but it should be said that someone of Christian upbringing and an actual Christian imho are two completely separate things. Someone of Christian upbringing can certainly be a Christian but this most certainly is not a guarantee. Further, a Christian by definition is not overly individualistic or superficial.

Right. I wasn't trying to emphasize only Christians. I was saying the youth including those in the Christian community.

[Funkyterrance]

From what I see most teens are growing up with these values of individualism and superficiality. I have seen this in Christians just as much as any other place.

I'm not trying to overly emphasize the Christian aspect but it should be said that someone of Christian upbringing and an actual Christian imho are two completely separate things. Someone of Christian upbringing can certainly be a Christian but this most certainly is not a guarantee. Further, a Christian by definition is not overly individualistic or superficial.

Right. I wasn't trying to emphasize only Christians. I was saying the youth including those in the Christian community.

Yeah, I agree that those in Christian communities are just as likely to have those traits mentioned. I just meant that a true Christian tends not to have these traits which seems like it would give him/her a better chance of making a choice that would be conducive to the longevity of a relationship.

[Swimmerdude99]

Funky and Kent you have both made splendid points. In the "Christian" groups or churches there are definitely pretenders or apathetic christians or people who claim to be followers of Christ but really don't get it at all or truly believe in the Gospel. I think alot of those kids would tend to have more culturistic morals and values that match with the individualism and superficial nature. However (as I'm sure neither of you refute) there are also many people who DO follow what they say and have a shifted view from what culture feeds us (I would put myself in that category).

Anyways that whole trail is a little bit of a rabbit one

I have been interested in the posts everyone has made so far, liking the discussion, keep it informative and clean and fun please! no needless bickering

My next question would be do some of you adults lump all kids 17-19 in one category and always mentally assume "That won't end well" or "its all just physical"? Do you ever criticize "young love" under the belief that it is ephemeral?

[iamkoolerthanu]

I'll be turning 20 in March, I met my girlfriend in early teens, and started dating her almost four years now. We broke up last year for a couple months, tried new people, and came back to each other, and are currently together and very happy

So I think yes you could find true love at my age, though I guess I need to wait a few years to know for sure, I think I know.. I mean the past four years is a long time to not be in love with someone lol

[Funkyterrance]

However (as I'm sure neither of you refute) there are also many people who DO follow what they say and have a shifted view from what culture feeds us (I would put myself in that category). Yeah, I was making this assumption from the get-go lol.

My next question would be do some of you adults lump all kids 17-19 in one category and always mentally assume "That won't end well" or "its all just physical"? Do you ever criticize "young love" under the belief that it is ephemeral?

I never criticize it. People have been marrying and staying together happily for their entire lives for centuries. If cultural pressure does not overly affect a couple, I don't see why this would not still be possible. This isn't to say that a couple can get married impulsively, which I don't think is a good idea, but I disagree with discounting a relationship merely due to the age of couple.

[Swimmerdude99]

I'll be turning 20 in March, I met my girlfriend in early teens, and started dating her almost four years now. We broke up last year for a couple months, tried new people, and came back to each other, and are currently together and very happy

So I think yes you could find true love at my age, though I guess I need to wait a few years to know for sure, I think I know.. I mean the past four years is a long time to not be in love with someone lol

What about it makes you wonder if you are "in love" or not? What is the definition of love to you?

To me love is not so much a feeling or something that you "get" or have its rather choosing to constantly have a mindset of forgiving and wellwishing for that people and being willing to forgive and come back to that person. That person is someone you can choose to be selfless towards at all times, do things for their good even if in return you may not get something good.

[kentington]

swimmerdude did this turn into a dating quiz? Are you trying to find a match on CC?

I got married at 21 and I am now just shy of 30 and still happily married. I wouldn't say I fell in love or any of that stuff and my wife would agree with me. We decided to make a commitment and honor it. Some of the time we were happy when dating and some of the time we were upset. None of that warm fuzzy I know we will be together forever. But we talked a lot and had similar values and that was what we found important. We hung out as friends for about six months, then dated for about six months and then were engaged for about 7 months.

It is definitely possible to be young and find a good match and be a good match. You just have to be old enough in the noggin to realize that getting married doesn't fix any problems, only amplifies them.

[Funkyterrance]

You just have to be old enough in the noggin to realize that getting married doesn't fix any problems, only amplifies them.

Is that supposed to be encouraging?

[Swimmerdude99]

swimmerdude did this turn into a dating quiz? Are you trying to find a match on CC?

I got married at 21 and I am now just shy of 30 and still happily married. I wouldn't say I fell in love or any of that stuff and my wife would agree with me. We decided to make a commitment and honor it. Some of the time we were happy when dating and some of the time we were upset. None of that warm fuzzy I know we will be together forever. But we talked a lot and had similar values and that was what we found important. We hung out as friends for about six months, then dated for about six months and then were engaged for about 7 months.

It is definitely possible to be young and find a good match and be a good match. You just have to be old enough in the noggin to realize that getting married doesn't fix any problems, only amplifies them.

Hahahah love that first comment! Yes I am looking for a lover here on CC, I'm about 6 foot, incredibly handsome and muscular, any takers?

Very cool, thank you for that comment. I have been told marriage makes many things much harder, but I also think that maybe it doesn't make things necessarily "harder" but that it just brings new difficulties to be solved because now you have two minds making decisions not just one.
But I'm not married so I can't make a statement of fact or refute what people say.

However (as I'm sure neither of you refute) there are also many people who DO follow what they say and have a shifted view from what culture feeds us (I would put myself in that category). Yeah, I was making this assumption from the get-go lol.

My next question would be do some of you adults lump all kids 17-19 in one category and always mentally assume "That won't end well" or "its all just physical"? Do you ever criticize "young love" under the belief that it is ephemeral?

I never criticize it. People have been marrying and staying together happily for their entire lives for centuries. If cultural pressure does not overly affect a couple, I don't see why this would not still be possible. This isn't to say that a couple can get married impulsively, which I don't think is a good idea, but I disagree with discounting a relationship merely due to the age of couple.

Agreed, relationships need to be tested before they can be set in stone. First impressions may not always show the heart of a person. I'm glad that you don't discount relationships. Thank God there are people out there haha

[NoSurvivors]

? What is the definition of love to you?

Love I don't think is something you can necessarily define.. But rather feel.