SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

[rizky_biznezz]

What's E.T short for?

[spoiler]because he only has little legs[/spoiler]

[Man from Modesto]

Why did the blonde elephant paint her toenails red?



A: So she could hide in a strawberry patch!

[gbd88]

"I see," the blind man said to the deaf dog.

[Razorvich]

All Smiley clues sent to here... apart for this one...

Sorry NO BLONDE JOKES

Why did the blonde get fired from the M and M factory? She kept throwing out the Ws

[Pochuco]

The first vampire walks up to the bar and the bar man asks what he can get him.

Vampire 1 responds "A nice warm cup of blood"

Bartender says "coming right up"

Vampire 2 pipes up and says "make mine cold!"

After the bartender hands the second vampire his drink he turns to the third vampire.

The bartender asks " let me guess, you want a cup of blood as well?"

Vampire 3 sits down and says "actually may I get a glass of hot water?"

Bartender is in shock and asks "hot water? But why?"

Vampire 3 takes a used tampon out of his coat pocket and responds

"I'm having tea"

[Pochuco]

The first vampire walks up to the bar and the bar man asks what he can get him.

Vampire 1 responds "A nice warm cup of blood"

Bartender says "coming right up"

Vampire 2 pipes up and says "make mine cold!"

After the bartender hands the second vampire his drink he turns to the third vampire.

The bartender asks " let me guess, you want a cup of blood as well?"

Vampire 3 sits down and says "actually may I get a glass of hot water?"

Bartender is in shock and asks "hot water? But why?"

Vampire 3 takes a used tampon out of his coat pocket and responds

"I'm having tea"

[WingCmdr Ginkapo]

European Union.

[Mad777]

Jokes about unemployed people are not funny...

[spoiler]...they just don't work.[/spoiler]

[lokisgal]

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?


Feyoncé.

[dakky21]

What is the difference between your country and your wife?
[spoiler]You defend your country from your enemies and wife from your friends [/spoiler]

[Pochuco]

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign on the road.
Teacher: What type of sign?
Student: The sign that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow!

[fairman]

What is more awfull than two babies in a bin?
[spoiler]One baby in two bins[/spoiler]

[Beast Of Burson]

Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?

[spoiler]If they drug them by their feet, they would fill up with sand[/spoiler]

[LiveLoveTeach]

What did one math book say to the other math book?

[spoiler]I've got a lot of problems[/spoiler]

[Paddyohale]

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

[spoiler]To get to the same side.[/spoiler]

[zipper66]

why did the women cross the road?

wait for a reply

No, the question is who gave her shoes and letter her out of the kitchen

[misteryforall]

Husband comes home from work, lie down on the bed and says to his wife: "Give a beer while you still not started!".
She gave him a beer, went into the kitchen and get on with the job. Half an hour later the husband back says: "Woman, give me another beer before it's started!".
She again gave him a beer, went back into the kitchen and get on with the job. After an hour husband says again: "Give beer until it started!", when a woman sentenced: "Shame on you, while I work, you just lazing and doing nothing, this is a disgrace .... etc !!!" .....
Then the husband so unwillingly:" Well, began(started)" ....... :):):):):)

[Pochuco]

I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.

[Keefie]

My best friend Dave drowned. So at the funeral I got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

[loutil]

A man walks into a bar, and sits down on a barstool, placing a small brown bag on the counter next to him. He signals to the bartender and then proceeds to down 3 shots of scotch.
The bartender, being no fool asks, “Hey man what’s wrong?”
Without replying the man slowly reaches over and grabs the brown bag. Opening it, he pulls out a tiny piano. To the bartender’s surprise he reaches back in and pulls out a tiny man, who couldn’t be standing more than a foot tall, dressed in a full tuxedo. The tiny man walks up to the piano, pulls out the piano bench and carefully sits down. He then continues to play some of the most beautiful soothing music the bartender has ever heard.
“Where on earth did you get this little man?!”
“Oh I have a genie.”
The bartender can barely contain his excitement, “You do? Can I see it?”
“Of course, of course,” says the man pulling out an ornately decorated lamp.
The bartender takes the lamp and rubs it and out pops a genie.
“You have summoned me. What is your one wish sir?”
“I want a million bucks!” The bartender shouts.
Immediately the room begins to fill up with ducks. Feathers are flying everywhere, the other patrons begin screaming and running for the doors.
As the ducks continue to appear out of thin air, the bartender looks frantically at the man with the brown bag who has a sly smile on his face.
“WHAT HAPPENED!? I DIDN’T ASK FOR THESE DUCKS!!”
“Well do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”

[jdw35]

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.''

After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.

After hesitating, they all did it.

''Next,'' the professor said, ''you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.''

[King_Herpes]

What's the difference between Symmetry and a refrigerator?

[spoiler]MOD EDIT:(Razorvich) A cool punch line[/spoiler]

[simi16]

What did the cucumber say to the other cucumber...
Let's make a deal (dill).

[aimilios]

How many letters a barbarian's alphabet has?
Clue:1223, aggz, grrh!

[Kevi]

2 cows were standing in a field and one says to the other "What do you think about this Mad Cow Disease"?

The other replies "Well, it won't affect me - I'm a sheep".