SEPTEMBER Smiley Challenge Joke Thread

[mrswdk]

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre

[misteryforall]

They ride two bikes and one ant fit. Another asks:
● What stood, Ziko?
● Inflammation me fly into the eye.

[MSpitts24]

thank you WC. the whole thing is an incorrect sequence -- it was totally made up AS A JOKE
good to see that you know Code so well. and did you invert it or convert it? wouldn't invert be upside down or in reverse order?

[guido74]

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

[Theldin]

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... Only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

[gigi_b]

I've just went through this topic to read the jokes and there are a lot of good ones in here..)

So just not to be off topic:
A catholic priest, an orthodox one and a rabi discuss how they manage the collected money in their Church.
The catholic says: "I do it easy. I draw a circle on the ground, throw the contents in the air and what lands in the circle is for me and the rest goes to God and Church".
"I have a similar method!" - goes the orthodox - "I draw a line on the ground, throw the contents in the air and I keep what lands to the left and the rest goes to God and Church."
"You're making it to complicated" - says the rabi - "I just throw the box into the air and God keeps what he needs...."

[Winged Cat]

thank you WC. the whole thing is an incorrect sequence -- it was totally made up AS A JOKE
good to see that you know Code so well. and did you invert it or convert it? wouldn't invert be upside down or in reverse order?

I have a ham radio license - but honestly, I just tossed it through one of the online convertors, then tried to think of what you might have meant when that failed.

Incorrect sequences are usually just noise, if no one else can recover the original meaning. Or to phrase it as a joke (given the thread), It's like the old saying about standards: "The wonderful thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from."

[b00060]

What's Black and white and red all over? A newspaper

[t4mcr53s2]

Precious had been playing for years using the accounts Thursby and Jacoby . But when she got greedy and opened her third account as the BLack Bird it gave her away

Spoiler

It was the Multi's Falcon that made Precious take the fall,

[ESQuire]

Where do you get virgin wool? -- Ugly sheep.

[LiveLoveTeach]

Q: Is there a hole in your shoe?
A: No.

Spoiler

Then how did you put your foot in it?

[zipper66]

horse:2
A guy walks into a bar.

Guy: "Hey, barkeeper, give me a beer."

Barkeeper: "Tell you what, if you can make that horse out there laugh, I will give you a free beer and $500."

So the guy walks outside and whispers to the horse. The horse laughs. The guy walks back in.

Guy: "Where's my $500 and free beer?"

Barkeeper: "Alright, double or nothing says you can't make that horse cry."

The guy walks outside again. The barkeep chuckles to himself as he's cleaning a glass and misses what the guy does, but he hears the horse crying. The guy comes back in.

Guy: "Alright, where's my $1000 and two free beers?"

Barkeeper: "What did you say to make the horse laugh?"

Guy : "I told him I have a bigger penis than him."

Barkeeper: "What did you do to make him cry?"

Guy: "I showed him."

[MSpitts24]

wanna hear a dirty joke? conquer club players fell in the mud

[dakky21]

Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?

Spoiler

Andy has diabetes now.

[Charle]

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.
One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.
Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
Man: "Thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been 10 years!"
The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of 12 year old malt whisky and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Girl (starting to unzip the front of her wet suit): "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"

[rizky_biznezz]

What’s the difference between razorvich and a condom?

Spoiler

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore

[Razorvich]

I dont get it rizky..

updated to here

[MSpitts24]

Smiley Challenge <== it's a joke isn't it?

[Dukasaur]

Why is being a pedestrian in a big city so much like being a musician?

Spoiler

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat!

[Winged Cat]

Precious had been playing for years using the accounts Thursby and Jacoby . But when she got greedy and opened her third account as the BLack Bird it gave her away

Spoiler

It was the Multi's Falcon that made Precious take the fall,

Yay, my joke inspired another joke! And on that line...

There was a cat detective by the name of Seamus Spade. He made a modest amount of fame finding lost mice, lost cat toys, and lost lives. But he wasn't so famous that everyone knew his face, so new clients would often ask him, "Are you Spade?"

[LiveLoveTeach]

Q: Which flower talks the most?

A: Tulips, because they have two lips!

[misteryforall]

Snail going down the street and stumbles up, but says:
- That's what I get in a hurry!

[takman2k]

Ive petted this cat so much, so 'hard' that i made it hop down and hooey on my floor. She loved every second of it, until she had to hop down.

Btw im owed a double from yesterday, if the cat pic qualified.

[Razorvich]

Ive petted this cat so much, so 'hard' that i made it hop down and hooey on my floor. She loved every second of it, until she had to hop down.

Btw im owed a double from yesterday, if the cat pic qualified.

No the pic didn't qualify.... and I'm still trying to get this one.....

is it a statement... or a joke?

EDIT: Visual aids are not submissable

[lokisgal]

Fish swimming upriver and bumps his head.

"Dam."