Secrets thread

[khazalid]

i'd force my junk in that nose any day

[BigBallinStalin]

I knew a guy who did something bit a stranger than that. Whenever he put a letter in the post box, everytime he'd think that his kids were somehow in that letter. SO he had to do something, right? He'd launch his arm into there trying to free his children, and then try kicking it to bust it open. The even stranger thing is that he knew this was all crazy, he knew his children couldn't possibly be in that letter, but he had to confirm it. Every time.

Congrats on failing to follow to the one rule of this thread SmallBalls.




I've always wondered what it'd be like to give birth

Oh, he told me to keep it secret. Does that unbreak the rules?

[Tiggy D Amour]

I can't think of any secrets I have....

[Beckytheblondie]

To go along with the common theme of your secrets so far, I'd like to admit that I never use toilet paper to cover a toilet seat. I think I saw a documentary once that said the seats were actually one of the cleanest places in public restrooms. I never validated that fact. I just continue to sit on those plastic thrones without covering them up... I don't like making that extra effort. And hell, I'm not dead yet...

[jay_a2j]

I admit, I bought their album:

Spoiler

[Juan_Bottom]

My ex and I had a really weird break up... and she knows how much I love CC, and how much time I spent here. I always worry that she made a multi so that she could watch me. She would never in a million years admit that she was wrong.

[notyou2]

My secret is that I know something about the post above but I swore to secrecy.

[john9blue]

My secret: I enjoy doing weird experiments with food. Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 07840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[Phatscotty]

I knew a guy who did something bit a stranger than that. Whenever he put a letter in the post box, everytime he'd think that his kids were somehow in that letter. SO he had to do something, right? He'd launch his arm into there trying to free his children, and then try kicking it to bust it open. The even stranger thing is that he knew this was all crazy, he knew his children couldn't possibly be in that letter, but he had to confirm it. Every time.

That's pretty weird.

I never wash my hands with soap after urinating, I just run some water over them. When my wife asked me why I don't use soap, I told her that it's not like I piss all over my hands.

I wash my hands first. When someone asked me why I didnt wash my hands after, I gave them my policy.

Dont touch, dont tell.

[jonesthecurl]

OK - music confession:

I went to an Adam and the Ants concert.

[Army of GOD]

I'm more attracted to girls who can speak French.


So if there any girls that read this that speak French...=P

[Juan_Bottom]

I don't really like being around people. I don't like family gatherings either. Even though I like cake.

Friends are ok sometimes. Girls too. But mostly I just like being left alone.

[BigBallinStalin]

I don't really like being around people. I don't like family gatherings either. Even though I like cake.

Friends are ok sometimes. Girls too. But mostly I just like being left alone.

That reminds me of this:



Some nights, I'm sitting down comfortably reading a good book, letting the imagination build the story for me, but I'll glance out the window on occasion. I think about the noise, the people, the movement, the so on and so forth, and I exhale a sigh of relief and continue reading.


Other times, I love being around people, especially family gatherings. Meeting new people is great, and if you aren't interested then you can always move on to someone else, no big deal. There's plenty of fascinating stories and people out there. Meet as many people as you can, make connections, become connected; whatever you want is out there at your disposal if you exercise the proper skills at the right time. Life becomes much easier and more efficient that way.

[Johnny Rockets]

My secret: I enjoy doing weird experiments with food. Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 07840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

That is brilliant!
Please use this for breeding purposes.....


One thing that has always bothered me: I'm not racist, and have a lot of friends from many countries including Nigeria and South Africa. However I don't find black women sexually attractive. At all.
When I've gotten to know them though business or a conference or when chairing a discussion group after one of my lectures the only sense I feel is more brotherly or paternal than ....whoa......she's hot......
And I mean any black girl. Halle Berry included.

That and I have 2 Lady Gaga songs on my blackberry.

Johnny Rockets

[thegreekdog]

I have never been attracted to, or wanted to have sex with, an Asian woman. I don't know what it is. I like black women, I like Indian women, I like white women, I like Martian women. Asian women? Not for me.

[Phatscotty]

I've fantasized about having sex with Whoopie Goldberg.


Honibaz

I fantasized left handed with Whoopi Goldberg.

[Army of GOD]

I fantasized sex with the Virgin Mary. o.O

[Baron Von PWN]

@AoG: Richard Renal'dinger, is that you?



BigBallinStalin is related to where I'm from.

you're georgian?


I've done MDMA.

[Phatscotty]

@AoG: Richard Renal'dinger, is that you?



BigBallinStalin is related to where I'm from.

you're georgian?


I've done MDMA.

What about DVDA?

[john9blue]

For the past month or so, these 3 guys have been trying to recruit me into joining their "new project that can make me rich", which I recently found out was actually a giant cult-like corporation called Amway Global. They've been ridiculously secretive and way too seedy about the whole thing. They wanted me to pay $150 to become a distributor. Thank God the Internet exists so people don't build up false hopes and get scammed by this company. I guess sometimes being a negative skeptic can come in handy...

[notyou2]

For the past month or so, these 3 guys have been trying to recruit me into joining their "new project that can make me rich", which I recently found out was actually a giant cult-like corporation called Amway Global. They've been ridiculously secretive and way too seedy about the whole thing. They wanted me to pay $150 to become a distributor. Thank God the Internet exists so people don't build up false hopes and get scammed by this company. I guess sometimes being a negative skeptic can come in handy...

Amway has been around for years. If you get in at the ground level it could be good but need good people under you, but most likely you are the hard working guy at the bottom making money for others. Stay away.

[Baron Von PWN]

@AoG: Richard Renal'dinger, is that you?



BigBallinStalin is related to where I'm from.

you're georgian?


I've done MDMA.

What about DVDA?

south park reference?

no.

[Skittles!]

I have to read while taking a shit.

[Ace Rimmer]

I have to read while taking a shit.

I know all about this secret already

I associate the smell of turpentine with porn, as the first dirty mags I looked like were in my friend's landlord's basement.

[PLAYER57832]

For the past month or so, these 3 guys have been trying to recruit me into joining their "new project that can make me rich", which I recently found out was actually a giant cult-like corporation called Amway Global. They've been ridiculously secretive and way too seedy about the whole thing. They wanted me to pay $150 to become a distributor. Thank God the Internet exists so people don't build up false hopes and get scammed by this company. I guess sometimes being a negative skeptic can come in handy...

Amway has one of the most agressive, even negative direct marketing campaigns ever. Their secret is that while people do get rich, its the ones at the top. The merchandise is all over-priced. Some of it is good, but a lot stinks. My secret is I used to sell it... eons ago, for about a month.