101 things you shouldn't say in court

[thegreekdog]

38.6) Nothing touched the pistol but the devil's right hand.

[Army of GOD]

25. How many appeals until I get Judge Judy?

[army of nobunaga]

Your honor I need to go to the bathroom and do a line.

Your honor army of god is my friend

Your honor I have two turntables and a microphone, mother fucker

Your honor GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!!!

Your honor could I have a um white judge?

Your honor My stare is registered as a lethal weapon in new york, look into my eyes.

Your honor I once went to the Virgin islands, Now they are just called the islands.

Your honor, What is this about theft?? I thought this shit was about that dude I killed for crack?!

[army of nobunaga]

Your honor I would like to sing a song If it please you my lord :

Stands up and proudly raps-
"I got my black shirt on.
I got my black gloves on.
I got my ski mask on.
This shit's been too long.

I got my twelve gauge sawed off.
I got my headlights turned off.
I'm 'bout to bust some shots off.
I'm 'bout to dust some cops off.

Cop killer, better you than me.
Cop killer, f**k police brutality!
Cop killer, I know your family's grievin'
(f**k 'em)
Cop killer, but tonight we get even."

[thegreekdog]

39) My lord.

[army of nobunaga]

40) Can I just request a cell near Charlie Manson? I heard he teaches guitar.
41) Your daughter is really fucking hot looking on facebook your honor.
42) I hear voices in my head, no I am just shitting you. But seriously - I see dead people!

[army of nobunaga]

43) Shit, I just realized I left my shank in my cell!

[army of nobunaga]

Can we hurry up? I left my kids with my crack dealer.

[Symmetry]

I've lost count (this should be a thing not to say, and where we are in the thread)

[Army of GOD]

46. NOT this (which, given the negative in the title, you should say this):

[Symmetry]

47. I have nothing BUT CONTEMPT FOR THIS COURT!

[Pedronicus]

48. But I've done exactly the same, hundreds of times with my nieces and it never went to court.

[whitestazn88]

Yes your honor, I do have a boner from looking at these pictures of the girl I didn't rape, she's very pretty.

[AndyDufresne]

50. I really prefer at least 1000 Thread Count sheets. Are these available in prison?


--Andy

[army of nobunaga]

51) Your honor I would just like to plead guilty and pay my fine and go get my car out of impound so I can get someone out of the trunk.

[Army of GOD]

52. I plead the fourth

[army of nobunaga]

52) She said she was 16!! SHE SAID SHE WAS 16!!! Huh? I mean SHE SAID SHE WAS 18!

[Dukasaur]

53. You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

[Quirk]

54) I'll take a ham on rye, hold the mayo.

[Quirks Wife]

55. That's what she said.

[army of nobunaga]

55) Hey if I go to jail, can I finally get someone to get rid of these herpes for me? I jus need a little injection of anniebodies Honor.

[whitestazn88]

This is becoming a list of things AoN has said in a courtroom.

[jgordon1111]

your honor I am being framed by the prosecutor. I demand a mistrial

your honor I am being framed by the jury. I demand a mistrial

Your honor I am being framed by my lawyer. I demand a mistrial

Your honor I am being framed by the Constitution. I demand a retrial where it is not in effect.

Your honor I am being framed by Roger Rabbit. I demand a retrial where cartoons are not available to the jury.

Your honor I am being framed by the police. I demand the fingerprints,the DNA,The gun, the knife,the baseball bat,The car,the video,and all other evidence linking me to this crime be thrown out because they are out to get me and its not fair.

[army of nobunaga]

62) Your honor I am being framed by myself. One side of me wants to go to jail to be with my boyfriend and is sabotaging the real me. The real me is tapping on the real you with a psychokinetic bridge, hello Frank, are you there?

[army of nobunaga]

63) do you know who in the hell I am? Honor that.