Knock Knock,
Whos there?
Screw
Screw who?
Not you!
](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall")
Horrible jokes...continuation
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-
muy_thaiguy
- Posts: 12727
- Joined: Fri May 18, 2007 12:20 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Back in Black
- Contact:
A jump lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for
shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
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Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Yang-Yong-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right" he said "the steaks are too high."
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
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I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week .... and pulled a
mussel.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for
shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Answer phone message
"....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and
examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Yang-Yong-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right" he said "the steaks are too high."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week .... and pulled a
mussel.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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Huckleberryhound
- Posts: 1353
- Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2006 5:29 pm
- Location: Dublin, Ireland
- Contact:
-
static_ice
- Posts: 9174
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2007 8:51 am
civver wrote:Gold Knight wrote:What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
Avalanche
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
Mudslide
What do you call a bunch of Puerto Ricans running down a hill?
Jailbreak
You are inviting a mod reprisal.
hey I have a puerto rican friend and he would be very offended if he read this...luckily he doesn't go to CC so I can laugh
R.I.P. Chef
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muy_thaiguy
- Posts: 12727
- Joined: Fri May 18, 2007 12:20 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Back in Black
- Contact:
-
Huckleberryhound
- Posts: 1353
- Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2006 5:29 pm
- Location: Dublin, Ireland
- Contact:
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lord twiggy1
- Posts: 1574
- Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 2:26 pm
- Location: at exacltly 15 degrees N lattitud and...Ahh who the hell am i kidding I have no idea
allright my friend told me this one black joke so dont get mad at me if you think its racist
what do you call a black kid in a pile of leaves
rasin bran
what do you call a black kid in a pile of leaves
rasin bran
Back in Black
'Cause I'm back/Yes, I'm back/Well, I'm back/Yes, I'm back/Well, I'm back, back/
Well I'm back in black/Yes, I'm back in black
That's right, I'M BACK! hopefully to stay this time!
'Cause I'm back/Yes, I'm back/Well, I'm back/Yes, I'm back/Well, I'm back, back/
Well I'm back in black/Yes, I'm back in black
That's right, I'M BACK! hopefully to stay this time!
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
How do you swat 200 flies at one time
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape?
So it doesn't split when you f*ck it.
What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
Drowns.
What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
You know she'll swallow.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
What do 54,000-abused woman every year have in common?
They don't fucking listen.
Too far?
A pedophile.
What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
How do you swat 200 flies at one time
Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape?
So it doesn't split when you f*ck it.
What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
Drowns.
What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
You know she'll swallow.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.
What do 54,000-abused woman every year have in common?
They don't fucking listen.
Too far?
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
