by Devante on Mon Oct 18, 2021 5:19 pm
Zombieland…
Oh, America. I wish I could tell you this was still America…but you can’t have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland. It’s amazing how quickly things can go from bad to a total shit storm. And why am I still alive when everyone around me has turned to meat? It’s because of my list of rules. RULE #1: Cardio. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties. Poor fat bastards, they never stood a chance. Follow the rules to stay alive I say, hell that should be rule number one. No that’s a motto. f*ck it where was I, yes. It’s been two months since it all started. Mad person disease, well, mad zombie disease now. Who would of ever thought something like this would come from the same shit that used to give us a nice juicy T-bone.
Oh well that’s life now, tis the shits and all that. That reminds me, RULE #3: Beware of bathrooms. Don’t let them catch you with your pants down. It doesn’t end well. Nothing like running out of a bathroom pants around your ankles, all bits swinging and having poor old Mary, the nice old lady from next door, now a zombie chasing you and taking a chunk of your tight ass right off. Well, you might have been a bit of an ass anyways, guess half an ass now. Follow the rules or you die. That’s what happens when you don’t follow RULE #2: The double tap. If you’re not sure the undead are really “dead” dead…don’t get stingy with your bullets. One more clean shot to the head and you won’t end up a happy meal.
Moving on. RULE #7: Travel light. Well, broke this rule didn’t we. Now that I’m travelling with Tallahassee. I mean he’s great and all, but he needs you that’s for sure, even if he says you’re a little bitch, I mean I doubt he can really sense that but…anyways back to our current conundrum. You see, we met these girls, Wichita, and her younger sister Little Rock. Now I know what you’re thinking…and yes… 100%...Wichita is totally into me. I mean she and her sister did steal our ride and stuff but that’s just how she flirts is all. She’s not a fan of the rules but it’s growing on her. Only rule they followed was “trust no one. Just you and me”. I mean it’s not bad, if you’re aiming for trash and all that, I mean it fails in comparison to the “rules” rules. I mean what can you do when you’re comparing it to gems like RULE #12: Bounty paper towels, or RULE #18: Limber up, oh, oh, and of course RULE #6: Cast iron skillet. Would be like comparing a AAA steak to a trash panda, just ridiculous.
Anyways, time to get back to our conundrum…
You are Columbus. And along with Tallahassee you navigate this new world together. Now Wichita and Little Rock took your Escalade and supplies, but you’ve got a beat on them. Track them down and take back what’s yours. And who knows along the way you might even meet Bill fucking Murray.
Map – 4 Star Meats
Settings – Doubles/Zombie/Adjacent/Foggy/30 Rounds/4 Players
Winning Objective – Take back what’s yours
Points – 10 Points
Special Gameplay – 5 points for each player of winning team
You got your supplies and joined up as a group. But now it’s time for your most difficult situation yet. Everything has been leading up to this moment. Another set of ruthless travelers kidnapped Wichita and Little Rock and headed towards Pacific Playland. Bill let you know that there is a Twinkie warehouse not far away from it and that is where they were headed. Nothing is going to stop you two from getting there. So, all that’s left now, is to get there and save them. Of course, if you find one of those spongy, yellow, delicious bastards along the way it wouldn’t hurt.
Map – USA 2.1
Settings – Doubles/ Zombie/ Adjacent/Foggy/50 Rounds/4 Players
Winning Objective – Save the girls and take the others out
Points – 15 Points
Special Gameplay – 7.5 points for each player of winning team
“. . . We had hope. We had each other. And without other people, well, you might as well be a zombie."